Finally Bread I'm Happy With

I've been trying to make bread during lockdown, and discovered a lot on the way.  I'm pretty happy with the Turkish Flatbread that I made to start with, but have struggled to make a regular loaf that works.

So, along the way, I have discovered Ken Forkish, Peter Reinhart and Richard Bertinet, all of whom have been really helpful - especially Ken Korkish with his stretch and fold method of getting air into the dough.

The other day I searched on the internet for "Best Wholemeal Loaf," and came across an article in the Guardian Newspaper, which sent me looking for Dan Lepard, and through all of these people have found a loaf that works for me.

This is for a wholemeal loaf

• 300ml warm water
• 2 tsp dried yeast
• 1 tbsp brown sugar, any kind.
• ½ a 500mg vitamin C tablet i.e. ¼g, crushed to a powder.
• 225 g Wholemeal flour
• 225 g White Bread Flour
  
• 1 tsp fine sea salt
• About 3 Tbs olive oil

Method.

On this occasion I just weighed all the dry ingredients out and put them in my trusty round plastic tub. (It used to contain fatballs for the birds)

I mixed all the dry ingredients together. (Keeping the salt and yeast separate to start with - apparently the salt reduces the action of the yeast. I'm not sure if it made any difference, but I did it anyway).

By the way - the viamin C tablet - that's a new idea that came from the Guardian article.  I could only get orange ones, but we couldn't detect the orange flavour.

Then I added the water and stirred everything up with a spoon until it was a sticky dough.  I might have added a tiny bit of extra water at this point because it was a bit dry.

Then, and I think this is crucial, I left it for ten minutes to get started.

After that I used Ken Forkish's Stretch and Fold and 'Pincer' method - see his video Mixing By Hand.  I added the olive oil at this point a bit at a time, whenever my hand got sticky.  I only did a few of the stretch, fold and squeeze - maybe 4 - and only for a minute or so.

Then I let it rest for 15 minutes and repeated the stretch etc

Then I let it rest for 15 minutes and repeated the stretch etc for a third time

Then I rolled the dough into a rectangle, rolled it up tightly and place seam-side down in a 2 lb loaf tin. I covered the tin with a tea towel and left it for about an hour and a half.  By that time it had risen to almost fill the tin.

There's a test to see if it's risen enough - sprinkle a little flour on the top of the dough and push the dough with your finger.  If it doesn't spring back at all, it's underprooved. If it springs back all the way, it might be over prooved. What you want is for it to almost spring back.

Then I heated the oven to 220 C, dusted the loaf with a little flour, and baked it for 20 minutes and then reduced the temperature to 180 C for a further 20 minutes.

Voila !  I'm sure it can be improved on, but at this stage in my learning, I'm happy.

I'm a creature who likes change

From time to time, we get a bit bored with having our furniture in the same place, so we have a move around.  We just like a bit of variety.

It's the same with my prayer life.  Sometimes I can stick with the same routine for months at a time, but eventually I'll need a break, and I'll look for something different.

At the moment, I'm enjoying looking for prayers that start and end my morning routine.  Here's a set of prayers I like to use at the start:

With what shall I come before the LORD,

and bow myself before God Most High ?

He has told you what is good;

this is what the LORD requires of you:

To do justice,

love mercy

and walk humbly with your God. 

(From Micah 6  verse 6)

Come, God of the poor,

Come, Light of our hearts,

Come, Generous Spirit.

By the glory of your creation around us,

by the comfort of your forgiveness within us,

by the wind of your Spirit blowing through us,

inspire and renew us, so that we come glad to this new day.

(Adapted - from the Iona Community I think)

The Lord is about to pass by:

Lord, have mercy.

Your face, Lord, do I seek:

Christ, have mercy.

Your law is life:

Lord, have mercy.

(From 1 Kings 19, Psalm 27 & Matthew 5)

 

Kyrie Prayers and the importance of memory

In churches like the one I go to, there's always a prayer of confession - expressing regret and sorrow for our failings, both individually and corporately.  I've commented on this quite recently.

Usually there is a prayer that we say together, but sometimes we have what are called 'Kyrie Confessions,' where the congregation respond with the word 'Lord have mercy' to a sentence said by the leader.

I like to think of this form of prayer not so much as a confession of our wayward nature, but of God's unfailing love.  So in my daily prayer, I often compose a Kyrie prayer based on my scripture readings for the day.

Today I was reading a part of psalm 90:

13Turn, O Lord! How long?
    Have compassion on your servants!
¹⁴ Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
    so that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
¹⁵ Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
    and for as many years as we have seen evil.
¹⁶ Let your work be manifest to your servants,
    and your glorious power to their children.
¹⁷ Let the favour of the Lord our God be upon us,
    and prosper for us the work of our hands—
    O prosper the work of our hands!

So from that I arrived at this prayer:

Lord, have compassion on us

Lord, have mercy

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love

Christ, have mercy

Let your favour, O Lord our God, be upon us

Lord. have mercy.

Writing a prayer is a good way for me of allowing the words of holy scripture percolate into my whole being.  As I build up a personal library of prayers from different sources, and ones that I am writing myself, I am discovering how they can be drawn from memory the more I use them.

This works in church as well.  My habit with our regular Sunday morning worship is not to take a service booklet, because by now I know the words by heart.  That helps me to be able to close my eyes if I want to, or to open them and look at our stained glass window, and just be more aware of what's going on.

Prisoner of Hope

I was struck by a phrase in one of the readings from the Bible in our church service today.

Zechariah chapter 9 verse 12 addresses God's people as 'prisoners of hope'

What a strange phrase.  Captive to hope.

What the world needs now is .... well yes, love sweet love ... but sometimes more than that, we need hope. But often, hope is in short supply.  We don't have the resources within ourselves to hope. 

For the person of faith in God, being a captive to hope means, I think, that we are bound to hope, whatever is happening.  It's a precondition of our faith that somehow hope cannot be torn loose from whatever is being faced.  Somehow, faith hope and love are so tied together that like it or not, even believe it or not, we have got to have hope.

It's what drives people to bring about change even when the odds are stacked against them.  It's what made Martin Luther King Jr. able to say "So even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream."

Today, whatever you are facing, may you have hope in a change to come

And today, as a world in need of hope, may we see clearly and with joy that we are prisoners of hope.

Song for Today #17

Love and Mercy by Brian Wilson

Very moved watching this video of the man himself - my musical hero.

A fragile and flawed, sometimes broken, but so often beautiful human being who knows the meaning of love and mercy.

My three readings from Holy Scripture today - from the Psalms, First Kings and Matthew's Gospel were all in some way about our prayers for Love and Mercy. (Or in the words that came to me today in my readings - Grace and Pardon, very much the same idea).

Our prayers also include Adoration, Praise and Thanksgiving to God, but much of the time we're simply praying for Grace/Love and Pardon/Mercy.

Love/Grace is to do with all of God's gifts, freely given to us.

Mercy/Pardon is to do with God's covenant love that continues to be offered even when we turn from God.

I was sittin' in a crummy movie
With my hands on my chin
All the violence that occurs
Seems like we never win

Love and mercy, that's what you need tonight
So love and mercy to you and your friends tonight

I was lying in my room
And the news came on TV
A lotta people out there hurtin'
And it really scares me

Love and mercy, that's what you need tonight
Love and mercy to you and your friends tonight

I was standing in a bar
And watching all the people there
Oh, the loneliness in this world
Well it's just not fair

Hey, love and mercy, that's what we need tonight
So love and mercy to you and your friends tonight
Love and mercy, that's what you need tonight
Love and mercy tonight
Love and mercy tonight

Is This What God Wanted ?

I'm reading through the First book of Kings in the Old Testament.

Today, reading about the completion of Solomon's temple.

The temple wasn't Yahweh's idea actually.  King David felt bad about lavishing so much on his own house while Yahweh didn't have a house - just a box with some stone tablets.  So he proposed to Yahweh that he (David) build Yahweh a house.

Yahweh's response was a cool one. He said "Thanks, but no thanks. But I'll tell you what - I promise that your house (as in your family) will continue ruling Israel for as long as you walk in my ways."

For God, it's not about buildings, but people.  God doesn't promise to be in a building, he promises to be with his people. (Exodus 3 verse 12 for starters).

Yahweh relented and allowed that David's son, Solomon would build a house for Yahweh.

So God didn't choose to build a temple, David did.

And God didn't choose the location, David did.

And now it's finished. And Solomon is praying a kind of prayer of dedication.  He makes sure to note that Yahweh is the God of heaven and earth, and not contained in a building, and yet the building's magnificence seems to speak a different message.

When we think now about our churches, it's actually not God's house that we're talking about, let's be clear about that. The most we can say about a church building is that it is the 'House of the People of God.' (a vicar and writer called Richard Giles said that)

a Church building is not something we should be especially attached to, after all God isn't - he's attached to us, and wants us to be attached to him and to others.

Maybe we in the Northern hemisphere have a particular problem.  It's cold a lot of the time, and we like being warm and cosy in our homes, shut off from the rest of the world.  So maybe that leaches into our church life and we prefer the comfort of a church building to being out in the world.

This is especially relevant at the moment as we are SO keen apparently to get back into our buildings.  It almost seems like that's more important than getting to see each other in the same physical space ?

Maybe we could keep all our buildings closed until we no longer hanker after being back inside, and until we find ways of being with each other that transcend the holy hour on a Sunday.

Song for Today #16

The Lord's Prayer

Years ago, my good friend Adrian gave me the sheet music for a sung setting of the Lord's Prayer that was used in the worship at Cranmer Hall (Durham, England) when he was training for ordination.

It's a beautiful arrangement, and there are many versions in Russian.

Here's one, probably the source for the English version I have.

Ochte Nash

Sheet Music for the English version, pretty close to the above.

Planning for Failure

This post is really about planning for growth, but in reality we don't know much about that - we're much better at planning for failure.

“Our current system is perfectly designed to see the results we are currently achieving” (Alan Hirsch)

So if we want to see the church continue its steady decline into oblivion, we're on the right track.

This blog post is interesting, saying similar things to what I've been posting about in the last couple of months:

What might church growth look like post-Christendom?

Three things at least are clear to me -

1.   For the church to groow, as I have already written several times, we must change our order of priorities from:

    Worship - Fellowship - Mission

    to

    Mission - Community - Worship

2.   For the church to grow, the primary role of clergy (in my Anglican context) must be to empower lay leadership.

3.   For the church to grow, we must put discipleship at the heart of church life.

The discipleship model that I have been most influenced by is here

https://no-sandals.co.uk/

and here

https://discoverapp.org/training

And most recently, seeing this as a great resource for exploring Jesus' teaching in a very non-religious way

https://ninefoldpath.org/

Grace and Peace

When the Bridegroom Comes

One of my favourite albums is Heart Food by Judee Sill.

This song is based on the parable that Jesus told in Matthew 22.

The album version on Youtube, but sadly no live version of Judee Sill herself.

When the Bridegroom Comes

See the bride and the spirit are one

Then won't you who are thirsty invite Him to come?
With your door opened wide
Won't you listen in the dark for the midnight cry?
And see when your light is on that the bridegroom comes

Into cold outer darkness are gone
Guests who would not their own wedding garment put on
Though the chosen are few, won't you tarry by your lamp till He calls for you?
And pray that your love endure 'til the bridegroom comes

When the halt and the lame meet the son
And He sees for the blind, and He speaks for the dumb
Let their poor heart's complaint
Like the leper turned around who has kissed the saint
Lift like a trumpet shout, and the bridegroom come

See the builders despising the stone
See the pearl of great price and the dry desert bones
By the Pharisees cursed
Be exultant with the rose when the last are first
And see how his mercy shines, as the bridegroom comes

Hear the bride and the spirit say come
Then won't you who are weary invite in the Son?
When your heart's love is high
Won't you hasten to the place where the hour is nigh?
And see that your light is on, for the bridegroom comes

What Do You want Most ?

This was the question that God spoke to Solomon in a dream.  (1 Kings 3).  It was early in Solomon's reign, and he answered well. Wisdom.  The wisdom to listen, and to know who to listen to. (Unlike Eve in the Garden of Eden, who listened to the serpent, and then Adam who listened to Eve)

When Jesus asks Blind Bartimaeus the same question in the Gospel, Bartimaeus could have asked for some loose change, that would have been a good answer.  But he didn't. He asked for his sight.  He was healed.

I remember back in 1984, I had a job interview.  I was a secondary school maths teacher, and having taught for 7 years, was looking for promotion.  The job was 200 miles away from where we lived in Kent, in North Yorkshire.  A different world. 

At the interview I was asked what quality I felt that I needed more than anything else for the post - second in the maths department.

My answer was 'wisdom.'  I hadn't thought about it, and it wasn't a question I was expecting.  But that was the answer that came out of my mouth.  When I thought about afterwards, it did seem like an unusual answer.  I could have given so many other 'good' answers, but 'wisdom' was the answer I gave.  I got the job.

It's a good question to ask oneself from time to time.  What do I want most ?  The answer will likely vary, depending on what's going on at the time.

Acknowledgment for this post: 1 & 2 Kings for everyone, by John Goldingay in the 'Old Testament for everyone' series.

Open Churches again ?

There'a a verse in the psalms that says this ... "The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone."

It's a verse that is quoted several times in the New Testament - for example by Jesus in Matthew 21. 

Jesus has just told a parable - a story that shows the way that religious leaders often miss what God is doing.  Jesus himself is the cornerstone, yet he is being rejected.  The very people who should be  most attentive to God don't see it.  In Jesus' case of course, this led to his death. 

If human nature is the same now as it was then, my guess is that religious leaders are still in danger of not seeing the big picture.

As churches, we are now in danger of being obsessed by the return to our church buildings.  It is starting to consume much of our thinking and energy.

One of the main things that the gospels show us is that God is not limited to buildings.  The Jews thought that the temple was THE place to meet with God.  Jesus showed them that God is out and about in the world, as he went around teaching and healing in homes and on hillsides.

This current situation is one to be treasured for giving us the opportunity to be a people that are not bound by buildings.  Let's focus on ways to find God in everyday life.  To listen to what the wind of the Holy Spirit is saying to the church.

Grace and peace.

Tell it Like it is

I'm reading the first book of Kings in the Old Testament.

John Goldingay, my Old Testament teacher years ago, has written a little book to help us understand the Old Testament.  He prefers to call it the First Testament, because calling it old seems to relegate to the discard pile.

I read some words in the introduction that made me think of the current debate about statues of those who were involved in the salve trade.

John Goldingay writes this: "First and Secong Kings tell the story of Israel's life from Solomon to the exile in such a fashion as to acknowledge the ways in which both nations (Israel and Judah) failed to follow after Yahweh, their God.  They invite the people who read the story to acknowledge that the story is true - not merely in the sense that the historical facts are correct, but in the sense that they accept responsibility for their wrongdoing over the generations. In effect the story is a kind of confession; it says, 'Yes, this is the way we have lived as a people.'  The only possibility for a future for them is thus to face facts and to acknowledge these facts to God.  There is no way that they can undo those facts, or compel God to forgive them and give them a new start.  All they can do is to cast themselves on God's mercy."

The statues that are under debate were originally there to celebrate the lives of men (mostly men ...) who had done great things.

We now see how those men were flawed, and the systems that they served were the cause of great injustices.  So, in a sense we have to rewrite history, or at least to retell those events of the past in the light of what we now hold dear.

And, now, in the present, for myself as a privileged white man, to confess to my shortcomings in not doing more to address racism.  We need to confess the things we have not done and said - our inaction, as well as explicitly racist words and actions.

Somehow, through all the tools that are available to us, we must do what the writers of those Old Testament books did - to say 'Yes, this is the way we have lived as a people.'  There is no way that we can undo those facts, or compel black people to forgive us and give us a new start. All we can do is to cast ourselves on their mercy."

Back in 2009, I wrote about an inititiative in the USA - 'Come to the Table'  a project where the descendants of slave owners and the descendents of slaves come to the table and talk and listen about their past. 

The reaction of some people to history is to say 'Get over it'.  But it is not as simple as that.  Even if the events are way in the past, there may still be unmet needs that, if not addressed, will prevent us all from moving on.

What's In a Name ?

I noticed a couple of weeks ago that it was the day the church remembers a saint called Wynfrith.  He was originally from Crediton in Devon, but spent a lot of his adult life in continental Europe as an evanglist and teacher.  By then he had a new name - Boniface, and it is by that name he is more generally known.

This reminds me of a retired vicar we knew when we lived in Beverley.  All his adult life until retirement he had been known as Grenville, but he had another (middle ?) name of James.  He decided that to mark the start of a new phase of his life, he would now be known as James. 

James is a version of the biblical name Jacob.  Jacob also had a name change at a crucial point in his life.  It was the night that he had struggled with an unknown man by the brook Jabbok, and he is given the new name of Israel.

After wrestling all night,  The man said, “Let me go; it’s daybreak.”  Jacob said, “I’m not letting you go ’til you bless me.” The man said, “What’s your name?” He answered, “Jacob.”  The man said, “But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it’s Israel (God-Wrestler); you’ve wrestled with God and you’ve come through.” 

Jacob asked, “And what’s your name?”  The man said, “Why do you want to know my name?” And then, right then and there, he blessed him.  Jacob named the place Peniel (God’s Face) because, he said, “I saw God face-to-face and lived to tell the story!”  (From Genesis chapter 32)

So, back to Wynfrith.  I would have stuck with that name rather than Boniface because it means 'Friend of Peace.'

In fact, if I ever change my name, it will be to Wynfrith, and I will ask to be known as Wyn.

Wyn Evans, that sounds fine to my ears.

Grace and Peace.

Regrettable, Shortsighted and Plain Wrong

This is the decision taken on Tuesday this week (16.6.20) to mege the Department for International Development with the Foreign and Commonwealth Office.

See article here 

I was so incensed by this decision that I started a petition on the government website.  I'm not convinced that I have worded it in the best possible way to attract signatures, and it looks like it is being raised in the House of Commons anyway.

Even if it is debated, a petition could indicate the strength of feeling for this issue.  It takes a couple of weeks apparently for petitions to go through the system before they appear on the government website.  If the government still haven't backtracked on the decision, please look for and sign the petition here.

Thanks

Song for Today #15

Pride of Man

Such a great lyric, and timeless.  Folk song written by Hamilton Camp, but this version by Quicksilver Messenger Service gives it the full on rock treatment with fantastic guitar work by John Cippolina

Turn around, go back down, back the way you came,
Can't you see that flash of fire ten times brighter than the day?
And behold a mighty city broken in the dust again,
Oh God, Pride of Man, broken in the dust again.

Turn around, go back down, back the way you came,

Babylon is laid to waste, Egypt's buried in her shame,
The mighty men are all beaten down, their kings are fallen in the ways,
Oh God, Pride of Man, broken in the dust again.

Turn around, go back down, back the way you came,
Terror is on every side, lo our leaders are dismayed.
For those who place their faith in fire, their faith in fire shall be repayed,
Oh God, Pride of Man, broken in the dust again.

Turn around, go back down, back the way you came,
And shout a warning unto the nation that the sword of God is raised.
Yes, Babylon, that mighty city, rich in treasures, wide in fame,
Oh God, Pride of Man, broken in the dust again.

The meek shall cause your tower to fall, make a new pyre of flame,

Oh you who dwell on many waters, rich in treasures, wide in fame.
You bow unto your God of gold, your pride of might shall be a shame,

For only God can lead His people back unto the Earth again.
Oh God, Pride of Man, broken in the dust again.
A Holy mountain be restored, and mercy on that people, that people...

If you have been back a few times ...

Hi there,

This is just to say that I don't have any adverts, or some of the gadgets that increase traffic.  I'm learning, and trying to add helpful labels for internet searches.  Any tips from other bloggers would be welcome.  If you have time, please do respond to posts, or even be a follower ...

Thanks for reading,

Grace and peace.

Song for Today #14

This song was performed yesterday at the Black Lives Matter event in Gloucester Park

So many people have recorded this - Here's Labi Siffre

Something inside so strong

The higher you build your barriers
The taller I become
The farther you take my rights away
The faster I will run
You can deny me
You can decide to turn your face away
No matter, cos there's....

Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

The more you refuse to hear my voice
The louder I will sing
You hide behind walls of Jericho
Your lies will come tumbling
Deny my place in time
You squander wealth that's mine
My light will shine so brightly
It will blind you
Cos there's......

Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

Brothers and sisters
When they insist we're just not good enough
When we know better
Just look 'em in the eyes and say
I'm gonna do it anyway [x4]

Something inside so strong
And I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

Brothers and sisters
When they insist we're just not enough
When we know better
Just look 'em in the eyes and say
I'm gonna do it anyway [x4]

Because there's something inside so strong
And I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me, so wrong
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

Black Lives Matter in Gloucester

Yesterday there was an event in Gloucester Park for the Black Lives Matter movement.

It was deeply moving.  About 300 (?) people gathered, with respect for the need for social distancing as we listened to a number of people talking about the need for change.  The BAME community is still grossly under represented on councils, and over represented when you look at statistics for poverty, housing and stop and search.

There was a call to action, as well as a recognition of lives lost.  We were asked to kneel for the 8 minutes 46 seconds that the Minneapolis policeman had his knee on George Floyd's neck. 

There was complete silence for the whole time we were kneeling.  I have never experienced being amongst hundreds of other people in silence for that length of time.

When I saw the name of the man who was responsible for George Floyd's death, I was shocked.  Derek Chauvin !

This link is inescapable - Chauvin - Chauvinism.  The most common use I have come across is male chauvinism, but it has a much wider meaning.  The term chauvinism possibly has its origins in a frenchman Nicolas Chauvin.  Whatever the source, it came to be connected with extreme patriotism and nationalism. 

Think about the racism that is all around us, which for many is based on a historical belief in white superiority, and in white dominance.

Sadly, one of the features of chauvinism is the way that it blinds people to their faults.  I pray that we may all be open to self examination, to see the faults that lie within our hearts, and to work for change.

Grace and peace.

Song for Today #13

Talk about Suffering

When I started on thinking about suffering, this song came to mind.  As far as I can tell it's origins are 'traditional'

It sounds like a song written out of real experience - like so many of the spirituals yearning for a more just life. My guess is that the sufferings come from injustice and poverty. 

For the person of faith that yearning has often been expressed as hope in life after death.  Heaven, Paradise, Shangri La, Elysium etc.  That may be because there doesn't seem to be any real possibility for this life getting any better, so our only hope is in heaven.

Cries such as this however must lead in the direction of change here and now.

I like to find a live version which is here, showcasing Phil Keaggy's amazing guitar work.  Talk about Suffering - Phil Keaggy

but this is Phil Keaggy's recorded version. Talk about Suffering

Talking About Suffering

I'm still engrossed in the book Shantaram - today reading a discussion about suffering that takes place among 9 guests of Khaderbai.  What is suffering ? (Shantaram p. 293)

For one of the guests suffering is weakness, and must be overcome by strength.

For another it is the result of our sin and wrong doing.  By living by right (koranic) principles, we will banish suffering from our lives.

Then Khaderbai talks about pain and suffering being connected, but that pain can be experienced without suffering - and suffering without pain.  What we learn from pain is for oursevles alone, but what we learn from suffering unites us as one human people.

For Lin, the main character in the book suffering is understood differently as we grow older.  When we are young it is about bad things done to us. As we grow in understanding, we realise that suffering happens when something is taken from us.

Reading all of this made me think of the song 'Talk about Suffering' - see the next post.

It also reminds of this story, which I came across in 'The Ragamuffin Gospel' by Brennan Manning.

The Kiss

I stand by the bed where a young woman lies, her face post-operative, her mouth twisted in palsy; clownish. A tiny twig of the facial nerve, the one to the muscles of her mouth, has been severed. She will be thus from now on. The surgeon had followed with religious fervor the curve of her flesh; I promise you that. Nevertheless, to remove the tumor from her cheek, I had to cut the little nerve. Her young husband is in the room. He stands on the opposite side of the bed, and together they seem to dwell in the evening lamplight, isolated from me, private. Who are they, I ask myself, he and this wry-mouth I have made, who gaze at and touch each other so generously, greedily?

"Will my mouth always be like this?" she asks.

"Yes," I say, "it will be. It is because the nerve was cut."

She nods and is silent. But the young man smiles. "I like it," he says. "It is kind of cute."

All at once I know who he is. I understand, and I lower my gaze. One is not bold in an encounter with a god. Unmindful, he bends to kiss her crooked mouth, and I am so close I can see how he twists his own lips to accommodate her, to show her that their kiss still works.

Richard Selzer

Stories for the Heart compiled by Alice Gray (Portland: Multnomah Press, 1996), p. 53.

Which takes me to the cross on which Jesus is crucified.  It is as if, in his willing suffering, he is twisting his own life to the marks of suffering in the totality of all our lives.  The cross is a holy moment in which Christ kisses the world with love.

Which brings me to a difficult moment, when I wonder if we have got something really wrong ? 

Christian art has, in most of the Christian era, allowed the depiction of Christ on the cross.  From about the 10th century on, the image that came to be prominent was the crucifixion.

By contrast, some interpretations of Islam prohibit the depiction of living beings maybe partly to do with idolatry.  I now wonder if that might have been a better route ?

Might there be something profoundly dangerous in trying to convey this holy moment in paintings, sculptures, poems, theological reflection, hymn writing etc.

Perhaps we don't go as far as disallowing it, but rather say that it must not be undertaken lightly, but reverently and with deep respect.

Nine Beats

A few years ago, at the Greenbelt Festival,  I came across a group called the Nine Beats Collective

who were running some sessions based around the ancient wisdom of nine sayings of Jesus.

These sayings of Jesus all start with the word blessed - blessed are you when ...

So I went to the sessions, and I bought a little book - The Ninefold Path - that contained some reflections and spiritual exercises, but it stayed on my bookshelf - that is until this week.

I had actually been thinking about the book last week sometime, and on Monday I decided to have a look at in my daily prayer time.  So I took the book, along with my Bible and my notebook and sat down to read.  First, I looked to see what my daily reading from the Bible was, and could hardly believe it when I saw that it was those exact same sayings of Jesus from Matthew's Gospel!

I just love it when that happens. Call it synchronicity if you like. It's when God says something through the daily events of life.  It happens a lot actually if you look out for it.

That encouraged me to take The Ninefold Path book and look at it seriously.  So this week, I have been focusing on Beatitude no. 1 - Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Essentially this is saying that the most important thing that God is looking for in us is a willingness to let go of the idea that it's all about our own efforts.  All that God has for us is gift. We simply have to see our poverty and need, and receive.

So each day this week, among other things, I've been asking myself:

What am I thankful for today ?

What do I need today ?

One of the the things I love about these sayings of Jesus is that they are so accessible.  You don't need to be a religious (as in Churchy) person to benefit from them.  You don't need a degree in theology.  You don't even need to have much in the way of believing in God actually, just an openness to learn and receive. There's wisdom here to help anyone in daily life.

You’re blessed when you've come to the end of your own resources. With less of you there is more of God and his way of living.

Song for Today #12

Just been listening to this ... version released in 2016 ... always has a message, but seems especially powerful now.

Where is the Love

“#WHERESTHELOVE” is a modern transformation of The Black Eyed Peas' 2003 hit “Where’s The Love?” The 2016 update addresses various social justice issues such as the protest of unnecessary violence, police brutality, and discrimination based on race (including refugee and immigration issues), gender and religious beliefs across the world. The original version addressed many issues following the 9/11 terrorist attacks in 2001, including terrorism, racism, war, and intolerance.

[will.i.am]
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurtin', I hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preachin'?
Would you turn the other cheek again?

Mama, mama, mama, tell us what the hell is goin' on
Can we all just get along?
Father, Father, Father, help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questioning

(Where's the love?)
Yo, what's going on with the world, momma?
(Where's the love?)
Yo, people living like they ain't got no mommas
(Where's the love?)
I think they all distracted by the drama
And attracted to the trauma, mama
(Where's the love?)
I think they don't understand the concept
Or the meaning of karma
(Where's the love?)

[Diddy]
Overseas, yeah, they trying to stop terrorism
(Where's the love?)
Over here on the streets, the police shoot the people
Put the bullets in 'em
(Where's the love?)
But if you only got love for your own race
(Where's the love?)
Then you're gonna leave space for others to discriminate
(Where's the love?)

[will.i.am]
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate, then you're bound to get irate
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how hate works and operates

Man, we gotta set it straight
Take control of your mind, just meditate
And let your soul just gravitate to the love
So the whole world celebrate it

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurtin', I hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preachin'?
Would you turn the other cheek again?

Mama, mama, mama, tell us what the hell is goin' on
Can't we all just get along?
Father, Father, Father, help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questioning

[Taboo]
(Where's the love?)
It just ain't the same, always in change
(Where's the love?)
New days are strange, is the world insane?
(Where's the love?)
Nation droppin' bombs, killing our little ones
(Where's the love?)
Ongoing suffering as the youth die young
(Where's the love?)

[The Game]
Where's the love when a child gets murdered
Or a cop gets knocked down?
Black lives, not now, everybody matter to me
All races, y'all don't like what I'm sayin'? Haterade, tall cases
Everybody hate somebody, guess we all racist
Black Eyed Peas do a song about love and y'all hate this
All these protest with different colored faces
We was all born with a heart, why we gotta chase it?
And every time I look around

[Taboo & Ty Dolla $ign]
Every time I look up, every time I look down
No one's on a common ground
(Where's the love?)
And if you never speak truth
Then you never know how love sounds
(Where's the love?)
And if you never know love
Then you never know God, wow
(Where's the love?)
Where's the love, y'all? (I don't, I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all? (I don't know)

[Justin Timberlake]
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurtin', I hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach?
Would you turn the other cheek?

Father, Father, Father, help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questioning
(Where's the love?)
(Where's the love?)

[DJ Khaled]
Love is the key
(Where's the love)
Love is the answer
(Where's the love)
Love is the solution
(Where's the love)

(Where's the love)
They don't want us to love
(Where's the love)
Love is powerful
(Where's the love)
(Where's the love)

[A$AP Rocky & Jaden Smith]
My mama asked me why I never vote (never vote)
'Cause police men want me dead and gone (dead and gone)
That election looking like a joke (such a joke)
And the weed man still sellin' dope (oh, no)
Somebody gotta give these niggas hope (give us hope)
All he ever wanted was a smoke (my gosh)
Said he can't breathe with his hands in the air
Layin' on the ground, died from a choke
(Where's the love?)

[apl.de.ap & Fergie]
I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders
As I'm gettin' older y'all people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' the wrong direction
Wrong information I was shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinemas

What happened to the love
And the values of humanity?
(Where's the love?)
What happened to the love
And the fairness and equality?
(Where's the love?)
Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity
(Where's the love?)
Lack of understanding leading us away from unity
(Where's the love?)

Speaking Up

Like so many others, I've been thinking in recent weeks about the particular injustices that continue to be the experience of Black, Asian and other minority ethnic groups.

I need to know how to speak and act with integrity. 

Last year I read the book 'Just Mercy' about a miscarriage of justice in 1980's Alabama.  I wrote a song about it - 'Just Mercy'

I did wonder at the time about whether it's OK for someone to write about a situation/experience about which you know nothing ?  How acceptable is it to create something - book, song, film, picture - about subject matter that relates to a marginalised person or group without some kind of permission ?

It almost seems arrogant.

So what do I, as a white, privileged male, need to keep in mind when I am talking, or writing about the Black Lives Matter issue ?

I had a conversation with a teacher yesterday who has been looking at the English curriculum in her secondary school, and being shocked about the almost zero representation of BAME writers.

(So much of the time we/I can be simply blind to what is out there, plain to see if only we would take the time to look).

The teacher above is now trying to raise awareness of this lack in the English curriculum, in the hope that syllabuses will work towards a more just representation of the diversity of authors.

So it's not just about what goes on inside our heads - having the right attitudes towards the race issue, but about looking for ways to speak and act to address injustice.

The recent protests have thrown this into sharp focus.  For example, we watched as the statue of Edward Colston (English merchant involved in the slave trade), was torn down this week and thrown into Bristol harbour.

The response in Bristol seems to be a way forward - the statue was taken from the water, and as Ray Barnett, head of collections and archives at Bristol City Council explained: 

"The ropes that were tied around him, the spray paint added to him, is still there so we'll keep him like that, preserving him as he was tipped into the dock, while the decision is made how to move on'"

The statue was then transported to the city’s M-Shed museum where it will be exhibited alongside placards from the Black Lives Matter protest on Sunday.

There are those who say the statue should not have been treated in this way.  It represents a different time in our history and should not be removed.  Yet history is being made every moment, and the spray painted statue will hopefully now be linked forever with the abomination that was the slave trade, and our complicity whenever we allow injustice to go unchallenged.

Knowing God

I'm reading a book called Shantaram, about Lin, an Australian living in Bombay.  It's a long story how he got there, but this takes place in a club, where he has been taken by Khaderbai,

one of the local underworld bosses.

They have just been watching a group of gazal singers, and Lin says: "That was amazing. I've never heard anything like it.  So much sadness and yet so much power. Are they singing love songs ?"

The answer came from Kahderbai: "Yes, they are singing love songs, but the best and truest of all love songs. They are love songs to God.  These men are singing about loving God."

Lin nodded, but said nothing. The silence prompted a question:

Kahderbai: "You are a Christian fellow ?"

Lin: "No, I don't believe in God."

Kahderbai: "There is no believing in God.  We either know God, or we do not."

I ike that.  Faith is not so much about a head belief, but about something much deeper, a knowing, a trust.

This prompts two questions:

Can you truly say that you believe in God without knowing God ?

and

Is it possible to know God without believing in God ?

Answers on a postcard please, or send me a reply in the usual way.

Grace and peace.

Song for Today #11

One of my all time favourites. Written by Chester (Chet) Powers.  This version by the Youngbloods

Only audio - No live Youtube version I'm afraid.  It's from another time before all this technology wizardry.

Chester Powers also went by Dino Valente and was a key member of Quicksilver Messenger Service, one of the ground breaking bands in the San Francisco psychedelic era of the mid-late sixties.

Get Together

Love is but a song we sing

Fear's the way we die
You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry
Though the bird is on the wing
And you may not know why

Come on, people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now

Some may come and some may go
He will surely pass
When the one that left us here
Returns for us at last
We are but a moment's sunlight
Fading in the grass

If you hear the song I sing
You will understand, listen
You hold the key to love and fear
All in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It's there at your command

Who not How ?

I was in a conversation yesterday about what the church might look like after lockdown.  There was a bit of a presentation, and then some questions.  Most of the questions seemed to be asking 'how' and 'what' questions.

How will be be able to worship with social distancing ?

How can we use what we have learned in lockdown ?

What new expressions of church might there be in the light of church on zoom, facebook and Youtube etc?

I remember a few years ago, preparing to lead some sessions on working with difference and conflict in our church.

We had some questions to think about.  When would be the best time to do the sessions ?  Where would we hold them - in our own church, or at a neutral venue ? How many sessions would we run ?  How would we decide which of the material to use ?

All necessary questions relating to the practical delivery of the material.

However .... before we considered any of those questions, it would be more important to ask - Who would we like to be there ?

Since we had a maximum number of 24 places so that we could do some group work, we decided that rather than open it up to anyone, we would focus on who we really wanted to be there.    Having key leaders there meant that we would stand a better chance of the learning being spread through the congregation, so we invited the church council to be there, as well as leaders in different areas of church life.  This would just about fill our 24 places.  We made sure that personal invitations were sent, and on the day we had pretty much all the people we had hoped for.

So I am trying to transfer that thinking to aspects of 'Church after Lockdown.'  One thought is to try and find out how lockdown has affected not only the church community, but our parish generally.  So forgetting the 'what,' and the 'how,' and the 'when,' for a moment, I started thinking about the 'who.'

The outcome of this might be to invite a cross section of key people in our community.  Not too many to make a conversation difficult, and bearing in mind the precautions that would be necessary. So for example, a doctor, a nurse, a leader from another faith, a city councillor, another church leader from a different denomination, a business owner, a teacher, a supermarket worker, etc etc, as well as from our own community a church council member, a member of the congregation ....

I just get the sense that this exercise in focused listening would stand a chance of helping us understand our community better, and how as a Christian community we can serve our neighbourhood.

Grace and peace to all of you who are doing exactly that.

Black Man in a White World

Thinking about the Black Lives Matter reminded me of this song by Michael Kiwanuka - Black Man in a White World

We saw him just before lockdown.  What an amazing night. He is a such a powerful performer, singing important and wise words.

I've been low, I've been high
I've been told all my lies
I've got nothing left to pray
I've got nothing left to say

I'm a black man in a white world

I'm a black man in a white world

I'm a black man in a white world
I'm a black man in a white...

I'm in love but I'm still sad
I've found peace but I'm not glad
All my nights and all my days
I've been trying the wrong way

I feel like I've been here before
I feel that knocking on my door
I feel like I've been here before
I feel that knocking on my door
And I've lost everything I had
And I'm not angry and I'm not mad

The Johari Window

Years ago, a retired vicar told me about this.

It's a way of thinking about who you are ... using a diagram with four sections

It's all about self awareness.  The window is divided into four quadrants, with each quadrant having to do with feelings. or information, or motivation

Things I am aware of about myself that I am prepared to reveal to others

Things I am aware of about myself that I keep hidden

Things I am not aware of about myself that others see

Things I am not aware of about myself that no one sees.

Have a look here if you want to explore more

Song for Today #10

Grave Angels by Joe Henry.  I can't find a link toa Youtube video, but you could probably find it on a music streaming service. 

I first heard a Joe Henry song in around 1994, and was hooked.  It was a track from the 'Kindness of the World' album, but I can't remember which one.

This is a track from Invisible Hour.  I heard Joe Henry talking on a podcast a while ago.  He talked abpout his parents' strong Christian Faith, and the way that music does a similar thing for him.  Music takes him to a place that is at the same time within him and yet beyond him.

The first two lines in this song talk about the way we know only so much about another person, even the ones we are closest to.  We are gathered together - physically in the same space, sharing life ... We are hidden from view - still hiding, or at least hidden to an extent behind our innermost thoughts.  It reminds me of the Johari Window.  I'll post on that next time, if you're curious and want to know what that is all about.

By the way, if you want to listen to Joe Henry in conversation - it's here: 

https://soundcloud.com/onbeing/unedited-joe-henry-with-krista-tippett-1

We are gathered together,


We are hidden from view—


In a tangle of laurel, we tear at our sorrow


Like bread and we start up anew;


Where a circus stands blazing


And steam engines brake and whine,


In a razed hobo jungle your lost and found wonder


Has risen and mixes with mine.

Then, foolish we are, in the presence of God


And what all his grave angels have done—


In love's growling weather, if we're dreaming together


Of a heaven apart from this one...
Apart from our own

I take this to be holy—


If futile, uncertain and dire:


Our union of fracture, our dread everlasting,


This beautiful, desperate desire.


The cloud darkens now just to harrow,


It crosses your heart like a hand,


But it's cool like the shadow of all we can see by the


Light that we can't understand

There's a new year starting backwards,

From high up in naked trees,


That threw all their clothes like burning money


To the ground and all around our knees.


But we live outside of reason


And we're called to stand out of time—


To hover above the rough river of love


That runs ahead but calls from behind.

Christian Community

Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote a beautiful book 'Life Together' in 1938, during Hitler's rise to power.  It's an acknowledged classic.

He has much to say about community - here's the heart of it:

Christian community is not based on anything that we have in common from a human point of view.  That is - it's not to do with having similar backgrounds, or interests, or political views, or ethnicity, or social status,  etc, etc.

All of the above are about our natural, human relationships, desires and ideals.  These may well form the basis for political parties, clubs, and other activities, but the Christian community is not a common interest group. By contrast, Christian community comes into being simply because of our common faith in Jesus Christ. 

Anything else that becomes a foundation for Christian community will eventually fail, as we discover that our imperfections and our differences outweigh what humanly draws us together.

The only genuine uniting force is that common faith in Jesus.  We are one with each other only because we are all connected to Christ.

Because Christian community is founded solely on Jesus Christ, it is a spiritual, and not a human reality.  In this it differs from all other communities.  When the scriptures call something spiritual, it is talking about that which is created only by the Holy Spirit, who puts Jesus Christ into our hearts as Lord and Saviour.

Bonhoeffer, Life Together, page 18, slightly paraphrased.

So, when we look at our own Christian communities, we must keep this at the centre of our minds and hearts, to avoid some kind of visionary dreaming that would set us off looking for the perfect community through some other route.

And, when we look at our sisters and brothers in Christ, we remember that it is God who unites us in Christ.  If we lose sight of that, we will end up judging one another by some other human standard, and lose what is a most precious gift, our life together in Christ.

Song for Today #9

Beautiful Things - Gungor

So much modern Christian worship music is clogged up with the same religious words and phrases that no longer have the power that they might have had once upon a time.  (if they ever had them).

This song is refreshing, using images that I find hopeful but not trite.

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things ...

You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things ...